It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize