It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
