What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
