I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
