I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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