What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
