In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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