I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
