guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
