singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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