dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
