I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
