Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
