I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
