Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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