swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize