I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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