If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
