I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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