at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
