she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
