hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
