Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I touched a dick in church today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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