Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize