oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
