Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
