I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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