is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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