is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
