so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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