FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
someone owes me an orgasm
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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