Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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