God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
