Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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