Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
