There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
