but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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