Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
