I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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