you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
