I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
