this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
