sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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