I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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