Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize