You made me cry and you don't even care
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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