dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
