why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
