do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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