you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize