So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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