My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't make any sense
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