nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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