so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
