I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize