things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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