So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
