Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize