Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
