so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
