if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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