Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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