can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
