Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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