How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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