Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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