I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
