I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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