just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize