I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
