GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
birth control should be required to get into college
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize